Why the Holidays Feel Stressful for Preteens (and How You Can Help)

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? But for preteens, the season can bring more than just festive cheer—it can stir up stress, insecurity, and anxiety.

From navigating family gatherings to fielding well-meaning but awkward questions from relatives, preteens often feel like they’re under a magnifying glass. And during a stage when they’re still figuring out who they are, it can be a lot to handle.

Why the Holidays Can Be Hard for Preteens

1. Feeling Judged or Scrutinized

Whether it’s a relative commenting on how much they’ve grown or asking about their interests, preteens may feel like they’re being evaluated. Questions that seem harmless to adults can trigger self-doubt or make them question whether they measure up.

2. Big Emotions Without the Tools to Process Them

The holidays come with a swirl of emotions—excitement, nervousness, even sadness. Preteens are still developing the emotional tools to navigate these feelings, which can sometimes come out as withdrawal, irritability, or even outbursts.

3. Uncertainty About Their Identity

Preteens are in the middle of a big journey of self-discovery. Seeing family members who haven’t been part of their day-to-day life can feel like a spotlight is shining on their growth, making them second-guess who they’re becoming.

How You Can Help as a Parent

• Prep Them for What to Expect

Talk to your preteen before family gatherings. Let them know who will be there, what kinds of questions they might hear, and that it’s okay to feel nervous.

• Practice Responses Together

Role-playing common questions like “What grade are you in now?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?” can help them feel more prepared and less caught off guard.

• Give Them Space to Recharge

Family gatherings can be draining. Offer your preteen the chance to step away if they’re feeling overwhelmed. A quiet room or a quick walk can do wonders for their emotional reset.

• Model Confidence and Empathy

When you respond to your own stress with calm and grace, you’re showing them how to navigate tricky situations. Remind them that they’re not alone in feeling this way—most adults find these moments tough too!

The holidays don’t have to be perfect for them to be meaningful. By creating a safe space for your preteen to express their feelings and encouraging their growth, you’re helping them build confidence that lasts far beyond the holiday season.

Ready to help your preteen thrive this holiday season? Schedule a free consult here for personalized strategies that work for your family.