Why Your Preteen’s Confidence Feels Fragile—and How to Strengthen It
Do you ever look at your daughter and think, “She’s amazing—why can’t she see it?” You’re not alone. So many moms tell me their preteens are struggling with self-doubt, but they don’t know how to help.
Between school stress, social pressures, and constant comparison on social media, it’s no wonder our girls feel unsure of themselves. But here’s the thing: confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill—one that can be built and nurtured.
Do you ever look at your daughter and think, “She’s amazing—why can’t she see it?” You’re not alone. So many moms tell me their preteens are struggling with self-doubt, but they don’t know how to help.
Between school stress, social pressures, and constant comparison on social media, it’s no wonder our girls feel unsure of themselves. But here’s the thing: confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill—one that can be built and nurtured.
This is where creativity comes in. When your daughter engages in creative projects, she’s not just making something beautiful—she’s learning to trust herself. She’s seeing her ideas come to life, realizing her voice matters, and practicing the resilience to keep going when things don’t turn out perfectly.
In the Creatively You Club, I’ve taken these ideas and built an experience where your daughter can thrive. It’s not just about art—it’s about giving her tools to navigate life with confidence and self-assurance.
Want to learn more about how creativity builds confidence? Check out the Creatively You Club.
Understanding Your Preteen’s Journey of Self-Discovery
Preteens are at one of the most fascinating—and challenging—stages of development. They’re no longer little kids who take the world at face value, but they’re not yet teenagers equipped to fully express who they’re becoming.
This in-between stage is marked by self-discovery—a time of exploring interests, testing boundaries, and figuring out who they are. It’s exciting, messy, and often emotional.
Preteens are at one of the most fascinating—and challenging—stages of development. They’re no longer little kids who take the world at face value, but they’re not yet teenagers equipped to fully express who they’re becoming.
This in-between stage is marked by self-discovery—a time of exploring interests, testing boundaries, and figuring out who they are. It’s exciting, messy, and often emotional.
Why Self-Discovery Feels So Tricky
1. Balancing Independence and Connection
Preteens want to assert their independence, but they’re not quite ready to navigate life on their own. This push-and-pull can create tension between wanting your guidance and wanting to do things their way.
2. Insecurity Around Their Identity
They’re beginning to compare themselves to peers and internalize outside opinions. This can lead to self-doubt or fear that who they are isn’t “enough.”
3. Big Emotions, Limited Tools
From excitement to frustration to sadness, preteens are riding an emotional rollercoaster. But because their brains are still developing, they don’t always have the skills to process those feelings in healthy ways.
4. Shifting Interests and Passions
One week, it’s soccer; the next, it’s coding. Preteens are exploring what lights them up—and they may feel overwhelmed by the pressure to choose or stick with something.
How You Can Support Their Journey
• Celebrate Their Individuality
Show interest in their hobbies, even if they seem fleeting. By valuing what excites them, you’re helping them feel seen and validated.
• Foster Open Communication
Make it safe for your preteen to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This builds trust and helps them process their emotions with your support.
• Help Them Reframe Mistakes
Remind them that growth often comes from trying and failing. Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re opportunities to learn and grow.
• Model Self-Discovery
Share your own stories of figuring out who you are—both as a kid and as an adult. Seeing you embrace your journey helps normalize theirs.
Preteens are in a beautiful season of growth, even if it feels chaotic at times. By guiding them with patience and encouragement, you’re giving them the tools to discover and embrace who they truly are.
Want more tools to support your preteen during this stage? Schedule a consult here and let’s explore how to empower them with confidence and resilience.
Why the Holidays Feel Stressful for Preteens (and How You Can Help)
The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? But for preteens, the season can bring more than just festive cheer—it can stir up stress, insecurity, and anxiety.
From navigating family gatherings to fielding well-meaning but awkward questions from relatives, preteens often feel like they’re under a magnifying glass. And during a stage when they’re still figuring out who they are, it can be a lot to handle.
The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? But for preteens, the season can bring more than just festive cheer—it can stir up stress, insecurity, and anxiety.
From navigating family gatherings to fielding well-meaning but awkward questions from relatives, preteens often feel like they’re under a magnifying glass. And during a stage when they’re still figuring out who they are, it can be a lot to handle.
Why the Holidays Can Be Hard for Preteens
1. Feeling Judged or Scrutinized
Whether it’s a relative commenting on how much they’ve grown or asking about their interests, preteens may feel like they’re being evaluated. Questions that seem harmless to adults can trigger self-doubt or make them question whether they measure up.
2. Big Emotions Without the Tools to Process Them
The holidays come with a swirl of emotions—excitement, nervousness, even sadness. Preteens are still developing the emotional tools to navigate these feelings, which can sometimes come out as withdrawal, irritability, or even outbursts.
3. Uncertainty About Their Identity
Preteens are in the middle of a big journey of self-discovery. Seeing family members who haven’t been part of their day-to-day life can feel like a spotlight is shining on their growth, making them second-guess who they’re becoming.
How You Can Help as a Parent
• Prep Them for What to Expect
Talk to your preteen before family gatherings. Let them know who will be there, what kinds of questions they might hear, and that it’s okay to feel nervous.
• Practice Responses Together
Role-playing common questions like “What grade are you in now?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?” can help them feel more prepared and less caught off guard.
• Give Them Space to Recharge
Family gatherings can be draining. Offer your preteen the chance to step away if they’re feeling overwhelmed. A quiet room or a quick walk can do wonders for their emotional reset.
• Model Confidence and Empathy
When you respond to your own stress with calm and grace, you’re showing them how to navigate tricky situations. Remind them that they’re not alone in feeling this way—most adults find these moments tough too!
The holidays don’t have to be perfect for them to be meaningful. By creating a safe space for your preteen to express their feelings and encouraging their growth, you’re helping them build confidence that lasts far beyond the holiday season.
Ready to help your preteen thrive this holiday season? Schedule a free consult here for personalized strategies that work for your family.
Helping Your Anxious Preteen Navigate Holiday Stress with Creativity
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and connection, but for preteens with anxiety, they can feel overwhelming. From packed schedules to unfamiliar social settings and heightened expectations, the season often amplifies their worries. Your preteen might struggle with a loud inner critic, feelings of self-doubt, or an inability to fully relax and enjoy the season.
As a parent, you want to help your preteen feel safe, understood, and confident during this busy time. One way to achieve this is through creativity. Art therapy offers a unique outlet for anxious preteens to express their thoughts and emotions, quiet their inner critic, and discover tools for resilience.
Here’s a creative activity designed to help your preteen process holiday stress and find calm amid the chaos.
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and connection, but for preteens with anxiety, they can feel overwhelming. From packed schedules to unfamiliar social settings and heightened expectations, the season often amplifies their worries. Your preteen might struggle with a loud inner critic, feelings of self-doubt, or an inability to fully relax and enjoy the season.
As a parent, you want to help your preteen feel safe, understood, and confident during this busy time. One way to achieve this is through creativity. Art therapy offers a unique outlet for anxious preteens to express their thoughts and emotions, quiet their inner critic, and discover tools for resilience.
Here’s a creative activity designed to help your preteen process holiday stress and find calm amid the chaos.
Therapeutic Art Activity: My Holiday Journey Map
Therapeutic Art Activity: My Holiday Journey Map
Why You NEED to try this…
Why This Activity Helps
Anxiety can feel like a tangle of thoughts and emotions, especially during the holidays. The Holiday Journey Map provides preteens with a way to untangle and organize their feelings while visually mapping out the season. This activity encourages mindfulness, self-awareness, and self-expression—all key tools for managing anxiety.
What You’ll Need:
• A large sheet of paper or poster board
• Markers, oil pastels, crayons, or colored pencils
• Magazines for cutting out images (optional)
• Scissors, glue, and stickers
How to Create the Map:
1. Draw the Journey:
Ask your preteen to draw a winding road across the paper, representing their journey through the holiday season. Along the road, they’ll mark stops for key events, like a holiday party, family dinner, family traditions, or even downtime at home.
2. Add Emotion Stops:
At each stop, have them draw a symbol or picture to represent how they feel about that moment. For example:
• A question mark for moments of uncertainty.
• A heart for events they’re excited about.
• A storm cloud for situations that feel overwhelming.
They can use colors to reflect their emotions—blue for calm, red for stress, yellow for happiness.
3. Add Empowerment Imagery:
Encourage them to add to the road with comforting images or words that remind them of their strengths and the support they have. They can include encouraging messages, symbols of resilience, or reminders of things they enjoy about the holidays.
4. Reflect Together:
Once their map is complete, sit down and explore it with them. Use open-ended questions like:
• “What part of this journey feels the hardest for you?”
• “What are you most looking forward to?”
• “How can we make the tough moments feel easier?”
5. Empower with Coping Tools:
Discuss simple coping strategies they can use when anxiety shows up, such as deep breathing, taking a break, or using positive affirmations.
Supporting Your Preteen Through Holiday Stress
The Holiday Journey Map is more than an art project—it’s a tool for emotional empowerment. It helps your preteen process their thoughts and feelings while creating a visual reminder of their ability to face challenges.
This activity also opens the door for meaningful conversations, giving you insight into what they need to feel supported during the season.
If you’re looking for more strategies to help your preteen manage anxiety, build confidence, and quiet their inner critic, explore my Emotionally Empowered Family System or Creatively You Club.
Rooting for you!
Kayla