Why Your Preteen’s Confidence Feels Fragile—and How to Strengthen It

Do you ever look at your daughter and think, “She’s amazing—why can’t she see it?” You’re not alone. So many moms tell me their preteens are struggling with self-doubt, but they don’t know how to help.

Between school stress, social pressures, and constant comparison on social media, it’s no wonder our girls feel unsure of themselves. But here’s the thing: confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill—one that can be built and nurtured.

This is where creativity comes in. When your daughter engages in creative projects, she’s not just making something beautiful—she’s learning to trust herself. She’s seeing her ideas come to life, realizing her voice matters, and practicing the resilience to keep going when things don’t turn out perfectly.

In the Creatively You Club, I’ve taken these ideas and built an experience where your daughter can thrive. It’s not just about art—it’s about giving her tools to navigate life with confidence and self-assurance.

Want to learn more about how creativity builds confidence? Check out the Creatively You Club.

Understanding Your Preteen’s Journey of Self-Discovery

Preteens are at one of the most fascinating—and challenging—stages of development. They’re no longer little kids who take the world at face value, but they’re not yet teenagers equipped to fully express who they’re becoming.

This in-between stage is marked by self-discovery—a time of exploring interests, testing boundaries, and figuring out who they are. It’s exciting, messy, and often emotional.

Why Self-Discovery Feels So Tricky

1. Balancing Independence and Connection

Preteens want to assert their independence, but they’re not quite ready to navigate life on their own. This push-and-pull can create tension between wanting your guidance and wanting to do things their way.

2. Insecurity Around Their Identity

They’re beginning to compare themselves to peers and internalize outside opinions. This can lead to self-doubt or fear that who they are isn’t “enough.”

3. Big Emotions, Limited Tools

From excitement to frustration to sadness, preteens are riding an emotional rollercoaster. But because their brains are still developing, they don’t always have the skills to process those feelings in healthy ways.

4. Shifting Interests and Passions

One week, it’s soccer; the next, it’s coding. Preteens are exploring what lights them up—and they may feel overwhelmed by the pressure to choose or stick with something.

How You Can Support Their Journey

• Celebrate Their Individuality

Show interest in their hobbies, even if they seem fleeting. By valuing what excites them, you’re helping them feel seen and validated.

• Foster Open Communication

Make it safe for your preteen to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This builds trust and helps them process their emotions with your support.

• Help Them Reframe Mistakes

Remind them that growth often comes from trying and failing. Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re opportunities to learn and grow.

• Model Self-Discovery

Share your own stories of figuring out who you are—both as a kid and as an adult. Seeing you embrace your journey helps normalize theirs.

Preteens are in a beautiful season of growth, even if it feels chaotic at times. By guiding them with patience and encouragement, you’re giving them the tools to discover and embrace who they truly are.

Want more tools to support your preteen during this stage? Schedule a consult here and let’s explore how to empower them with confidence and resilience.

Why the Holidays Feel Stressful for Preteens (and How You Can Help)

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? But for preteens, the season can bring more than just festive cheer—it can stir up stress, insecurity, and anxiety.

From navigating family gatherings to fielding well-meaning but awkward questions from relatives, preteens often feel like they’re under a magnifying glass. And during a stage when they’re still figuring out who they are, it can be a lot to handle.

Why the Holidays Can Be Hard for Preteens

1. Feeling Judged or Scrutinized

Whether it’s a relative commenting on how much they’ve grown or asking about their interests, preteens may feel like they’re being evaluated. Questions that seem harmless to adults can trigger self-doubt or make them question whether they measure up.

2. Big Emotions Without the Tools to Process Them

The holidays come with a swirl of emotions—excitement, nervousness, even sadness. Preteens are still developing the emotional tools to navigate these feelings, which can sometimes come out as withdrawal, irritability, or even outbursts.

3. Uncertainty About Their Identity

Preteens are in the middle of a big journey of self-discovery. Seeing family members who haven’t been part of their day-to-day life can feel like a spotlight is shining on their growth, making them second-guess who they’re becoming.

How You Can Help as a Parent

• Prep Them for What to Expect

Talk to your preteen before family gatherings. Let them know who will be there, what kinds of questions they might hear, and that it’s okay to feel nervous.

• Practice Responses Together

Role-playing common questions like “What grade are you in now?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?” can help them feel more prepared and less caught off guard.

• Give Them Space to Recharge

Family gatherings can be draining. Offer your preteen the chance to step away if they’re feeling overwhelmed. A quiet room or a quick walk can do wonders for their emotional reset.

• Model Confidence and Empathy

When you respond to your own stress with calm and grace, you’re showing them how to navigate tricky situations. Remind them that they’re not alone in feeling this way—most adults find these moments tough too!

The holidays don’t have to be perfect for them to be meaningful. By creating a safe space for your preteen to express their feelings and encouraging their growth, you’re helping them build confidence that lasts far beyond the holiday season.

Ready to help your preteen thrive this holiday season? Schedule a free consult here for personalized strategies that work for your family.

5 Tips to Help Your Anxious Preteen Navigate the Holidays

The holiday season is a magical time, but for preteens struggling with anxiety, it can also feel overwhelming. From bustling family gatherings to endless expectations, this time of year can heighten stress and amplify their worries. As a parent, you may wonder how to help your child enjoy the season while keeping their anxiety in check.  

Here are five practical tips to help your preteen navigate the holidays with confidence and calm:  

1. Set Clear Expectations  

The holidays often bring a whirlwind of activities and unfamiliar situations. Help your child feel grounded by clearly outlining what to expect.  

• Discuss upcoming events, who will be there and what they can look forward to.  

• If you’re visiting family or friends, let them know how long you’ll stay and what they can do if they start feeling overwhelmed.  

• Use visuals like a calendar to map out the schedule, giving your preteen a sense of control.  

Knowing what’s coming can ease their anxiety and give them space to prepare mentally.  

2. Create a Calm-Down Plan

No matter how well-prepared they are, moments of overwhelm may still happen. Equip your preteen with a “calm-down toolkit” they can use whenever stress strikes.  

Some ideas include:  

• Practicing deep breathing exercises (such as inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, and exhaling for 4).  

• Bringing along a fidget tool or comforting item, like a stress ball or favorite book.  

• Agreeing on a quiet “safe space” they can retreat to, whether it’s a separate room or a cozy corner at a family gathering.  

Remind your preteen it’s okay to take breaks whenever they need to.  

3. Focus on Their Strengths

Holiday performances, group activities and family traditions often highlight social or academic skills. For an anxious preteen, these moments can trigger feelings of inadequacy. Counter this by emphasizing their strengths:  

• Celebrate their unique contributions, whether it’s their creativity in decorating cookies or their thoughtfulness in choosing gifts.  

• Remind them that it’s okay to say “no” to things that feel too much while still enjoying the season in their own way.  

When your preteen feels valued for who they are, not what they achieve, it builds their confidence.  

4. Practice Mindfulness Together 

Mindfulness is a powerful way to manage holiday stress—for both you and your preteen. Take time to slow down and ground yourselves in the present moment.  

Try these family-friendly mindfulness activities:  

• Savoring the moment: Notice the colors, smells, and tastes during a holiday meal or decorating session.  

• Progressive muscle relaxation: Take turns tensing and relaxing different muscle groups, helping release physical tension.  

• Gratitude sharing: Each evening, share one thing you’re grateful for about the day.  

Even five minutes of mindfulness can create a sense of calm and connection.  

5. Check In and Listen 

The holiday rush can make it easy to overlook how your child is truly feeling. Take time to check in regularly with open-ended questions, like:  

• “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”  

• “Is there anything you’re nervous about with the holidays coming up?”  

• “What’s one thing that would make this easier for you?”  

Validate their feelings and show empathy. When your preteen feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to open up and trust your guidance.  

Need Extra Support? Let’s Work Together

The holidays can be especially challenging for preteens with anxiety—and for parents who want to help but feel unsure where to start. If your child is struggling with stress, self-doubt or social pressures, I’m here to help.  

Together, we can create personalized strategies to help your preteen thrive—not just during the holidays, but all year round. Book a free consult today, and let’s make this season one of growth and joy for your family.  

Book your free consultation today.

By implementing these tips, you’ll give your preteen the tools they need to face holiday challenges with confidence—and build memories that truly matter.  

How to Talk to Your Preteen About Emotions: A Parent’s Guide

Talking to your preteen about emotions can feel like walking through a minefield. One minute they’re spilling their hearts out; the next, you’re met with an eye roll and a slammed door. Navigating these moments is tough—but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and help your preteen develop emotional resilience.  

If you're unsure where to start, don’t worry—you're not alone. Here are practical, mindful strategies to create open, judgment-free conversations with your preteen about their emotions.  

Why It’s Important to Talk About Emotions  

Preteens are in a unique stage of life where hormones, school stress and peer relationships collide. This emotional rollercoaster can make them feel overwhelmed. By talking openly about emotions, you’re teaching them:  

- Emotional intelligence: Recognizing and naming their feelings.  

- Healthy coping strategies: Managing tough situations with mindfulness instead of avoidance.  

- Resilience: Learning that it’s okay to struggle and how to move through challenges.  

When preteens feel they can express their emotions safely, they’re more likely to make confident, informed choices—whether it’s navigating friendships, standing up for themselves or managing academic pressures.  

5 Tips for Talking to Your Preteen About Emotions  

1. Choose the Right Moment  

Timing is everything. A rushed car ride or heated moment isn’t ideal for deep conversations. Instead, aim for natural, low-pressure opportunities, like during a walk, while cooking together or at bedtime.  

2. Start with Open-Ended Questions  

Avoid yes-or-no questions like “Did you have a good day?” Instead, try:  

- “What was the best part of your day?”  

- “What’s something that made you feel frustrated today?”  

These questions encourage them to share without feeling interrogated.  

3. Validate Their Feelings

Resist the urge to “fix” or downplay their emotions. Saying things like “It’s not that big of a deal” can shut them down. Instead, try:  

• “That sounds really tough. I’m here to listen.”  

• “It makes sense you’d feel that way. How can I support you?”  

Validation shows them their feelings are normal and worthy of attention.  

4. Model Emotional Expression  

Preteens learn by watching you. Share your emotions (in an age-appropriate way) and how you handle them. For example:  

• “I felt really frustrated when I made a mistake at work, but I took a few deep breaths to calm down.”  

This normalizes emotional expression and teaches them healthy coping strategies.  

5. Use Creative Tools to Break the Ice  

Sometimes, talking directly about emotions can feel too intense for preteens. Creative outlets like art, journaling or mindfulness exercises can help them process feelings in a less intimidating way. For example:  

• Draw a "feelings map" together, where they assign colors to different emotions.  

• Practice deep breathing or grounding exercises when emotions feel overwhelming.  

When to Seek Help  

If your preteen consistently shuts down, seems overly anxious or struggles to regulate their emotions, it might be time to seek professional support. A trained licensed therapist can provide tools tailored to their unique needs and help you strengthen your connection as a family.  

Ready to Build Better Conversations with Your Preteen?  

Navigating these emotional waters is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Together, we can create a plan to help your preteen confidently express their emotions while equipping you with tools to support them.  

Book a free 20 minute consult today and let’s work together to empower your preteen to unlock their greatest potential!  

Talking about emotions with your preteen is a journey, but every step strengthens their confidence and your bond. You’ve got this—and I’m here to help every step of the way.