Building Confidence in Preteens: Small Steps That Make a Big Difference

Preteens face a whirlwind of changes—academically, socially, and emotionally. It’s a time when their self-esteem can take a hit. As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your child build the confidence they need to navigate this stage with resilience.

The good news? Building confidence doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s about small, consistent actions that send the message: “I believe in you.”

Why Confidence Matters in Preteens

• Confidence shapes how preteens approach challenges.

• It impacts their ability to make friends, handle school pressures, and resist peer influence.

• Low self-esteem often leads to anxiety, self-doubt, or withdrawal from activities they love.

 Small Steps to Build Confidence

1. Celebrate Effort Over Results

Praise the process, not just the outcome. Example: “I saw how hard you worked on that project!”

2. Encourage Decision-Making

Let them make age-appropriate choices, from picking their outfits to planning weekend activities.

3. Model Self-Confidence

Show them how you handle challenges with self-assurance. Share your wins and how you overcame struggles.

4. Foster Their Interests

Whether it’s art, sports, or coding, support activities that spark their passion and skill-building.

5. Help Them Reframe Mistakes

Teach them that mistakes are opportunities to learn. Example: “What can we try differently next time?”

Ready to Empower Your Preteen?

Confidence is a skill that grows with practice—and the right support.

Download your free guide: The Ultimate 5 Step Guide To Help Kids Regulate Emotions + Express Thoughts & Feelings in a Healthy Way. It’s packed with practical tips to support their self-esteem and resilience!

How to Talk to Your Preteen About Emotions: A Parent’s Guide

Talking to your preteen about emotions can feel like walking through a minefield. One minute they’re spilling their hearts out; the next, you’re met with an eye roll and a slammed door. Navigating these moments is tough—but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and help your preteen develop emotional resilience.  

If you're unsure where to start, don’t worry—you're not alone. Here are practical, mindful strategies to create open, judgment-free conversations with your preteen about their emotions.  

Why It’s Important to Talk About Emotions  

Preteens are in a unique stage of life where hormones, school stress and peer relationships collide. This emotional rollercoaster can make them feel overwhelmed. By talking openly about emotions, you’re teaching them:  

- Emotional intelligence: Recognizing and naming their feelings.  

- Healthy coping strategies: Managing tough situations with mindfulness instead of avoidance.  

- Resilience: Learning that it’s okay to struggle and how to move through challenges.  

When preteens feel they can express their emotions safely, they’re more likely to make confident, informed choices—whether it’s navigating friendships, standing up for themselves or managing academic pressures.  

5 Tips for Talking to Your Preteen About Emotions  

1. Choose the Right Moment  

Timing is everything. A rushed car ride or heated moment isn’t ideal for deep conversations. Instead, aim for natural, low-pressure opportunities, like during a walk, while cooking together or at bedtime.  

2. Start with Open-Ended Questions  

Avoid yes-or-no questions like “Did you have a good day?” Instead, try:  

- “What was the best part of your day?”  

- “What’s something that made you feel frustrated today?”  

These questions encourage them to share without feeling interrogated.  

3. Validate Their Feelings

Resist the urge to “fix” or downplay their emotions. Saying things like “It’s not that big of a deal” can shut them down. Instead, try:  

• “That sounds really tough. I’m here to listen.”  

• “It makes sense you’d feel that way. How can I support you?”  

Validation shows them their feelings are normal and worthy of attention.  

4. Model Emotional Expression  

Preteens learn by watching you. Share your emotions (in an age-appropriate way) and how you handle them. For example:  

• “I felt really frustrated when I made a mistake at work, but I took a few deep breaths to calm down.”  

This normalizes emotional expression and teaches them healthy coping strategies.  

5. Use Creative Tools to Break the Ice  

Sometimes, talking directly about emotions can feel too intense for preteens. Creative outlets like art, journaling or mindfulness exercises can help them process feelings in a less intimidating way. For example:  

• Draw a "feelings map" together, where they assign colors to different emotions.  

• Practice deep breathing or grounding exercises when emotions feel overwhelming.  

When to Seek Help  

If your preteen consistently shuts down, seems overly anxious or struggles to regulate their emotions, it might be time to seek professional support. A trained licensed therapist can provide tools tailored to their unique needs and help you strengthen your connection as a family.  

Ready to Build Better Conversations with Your Preteen?  

Navigating these emotional waters is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Together, we can create a plan to help your preteen confidently express their emotions while equipping you with tools to support them.  

Book a free 20 minute consult today and let’s work together to empower your preteen to unlock their greatest potential!  

Talking about emotions with your preteen is a journey, but every step strengthens their confidence and your bond. You’ve got this—and I’m here to help every step of the way.